Title: Consideration 5
Author: Grey
Category: Drama
Series: Consideration
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: m/m, h/c, angst
Pairing: J/B
Website: http://grey.ravenshadow.net

Disclaimer: Don't own'em, but I'm heavy into sharing.

Summary: Jim and Blair argue over Blair's decision to stop taking medication.

Consideration 5
by Grey
Grey853@aol.com

The prescription bottle in his hand shimmered with temptation. He hated it, wanted nothing more than to throw every mind-numbing pill down the drain. Blair Sandburg had already stopped taking the last three doses of his anticonvulsant and felt almost back to normal. He relished the fact that his whole brain sizzled with clarity, absolutely every fucking thought crystal clear. So, what was the problem? Jim Ellison, most goddamn stubborn sentinel of the universe, that was the problem. Jim was determined that Blair would stay on the nasty stuff until the doctor released him.

Blair just wanted his life back. Still trying to puzzle over what to do, he heard the key turn. He quickly put the bottle back in the medicine cabinet and then went out to meet the man in his life.

Jim had already put his leather jacket on the rack by the door and dropped the mail on the side table. He saw Blair and pulled him into his arms. "Hey, Babe, how you feeling?"

"Good."

"How good?"

"How about a show and tell?"

"Do I only get one or both?"

"Definitely both." Blair wrapped an arm around his lover's neck and the two men kissed. Tongues struggled for dominance, Jim's pushing in and out hard, to Blair's wrap around twist technique. Lips swelled with the delicious punishment of sucking and uneven pressures. Putting a hand to Jim's chest, Blair signaled for a rest.

"Oh, man, I've been waiting for that all day." Reaching around with both hands, he grabbed Jim's wonderfully tight ass and squeezed. The surprised gasp received a playful groin shove as reward.

"Damn, Chief, you're going to cripple me before I even get in the door."

"No way, Jim. You're a tough guy. You can take it."

Still embracing, Jim stared down into deepest blue. He cupped Blair's chin and lifted his lips again to his. This time the lush wetness of his guide's rich mouth lay a path of slow-moving lava to his groin. The tip of his tongue tingled with the spicy mix of herbal and Blair. He wanted to live in this heaven forever.

From a distance, he felt an urgent tugging and finally recognized the smothered garble vibrating into his throat. Abruptly reigning himself back, he released his winded partner.

Finally taking in enough air to speak, he groaned, "Jesus, Jim. We gotta work on that zone thing some more. I mean, don't get me wrong, that was fantastic, but, man, breathing is a good thing, too."

"Sorry, Chief. Did I hurt you?"

"Hell, no. We'll do it again later, though we really should have borrowed some emergency air tanks from the hospital just in case."

Oxygen replenished, Blair giggled and then went off to the kitchen to fetch some beer. He felt great-- no nausea, no headache, so much energy he might finish his dissertation and then fuck Jim Ellison into next week. He hadn't felt this good since before he'd banged his brain into that stupid telephone pole. As he reached for the refrigerator door, a hand planted itself over his and Jim moved in close to his back, a solid wall blocking him in.

"Hey, man. Gotta wait a minute. Let's have a drink and dinner before we start anything too heavy."

"You know you can't have beer with your meds, Chief."

A little nervous at Jim's super serious tone and stance, he just nodded, "Oh, yeah, I forgot. Okay, you have the beer and I'll fix dinner."

"Blair, look at me."

Oh, man. "Hey, why don't you go sit over on the couch and I'll see if we've got anything to go with this great secret recipe I read about in this little journal I found on the net." Blair tried to duck under one of the massive arms caging him in, but it didn't work. Jim didn't budge, not an inch.

"Chief, you've stopped taking your medication haven't you?"

"Come on, man. Let me through here."

"Answer me. Did you stop taking the Primidone?"

"Okay, so I missed a few pills. But I feel great, Jim. I mean, it's like the whole thing never happened."

The refrigerator rocked at impact. Bringing his fist back to his chest, Jim tried to hide the pain both from the blow to metal and to his trust.

"Oh, man, are you hurt?"

Turning away, he dropped his hand to his side. Without another word he went to the glass doors and stepped outside into the cold. Blair stood in some very deep shit.

Noting the stiff posture and stillness of his companion, he knew he should stay away until Jim calmed down. Sizzle mode on the super sentinel pissed off scale was nothing to mess with. He'd seen him angry before, but this was different. The pain mixed with anger produced a vision of anguish almost too wretched to watch. Blair positioned himself on the couch, legs folded up under him and waited restlessly for the next move.

Almost 30 minutes passed before Jim finally came in to stand and lean against the kitchen counter. Arms folded, he said one simple word, "Why?"

"Why?"

"Explain why you'd take a risk like this."

"Well, look at me and that should answer your question."

"What are you talking about?"

"First, tell me how you knew." Blair observed the tell-tale signs of fidgeting when Jim didn't want to say something. "Come on. What gave it away?"

Quietly, he whispered, "You were like yourself. Like you were before the accident." The words scraped from his lips, almost too hard to say or to admit.

"I know. I feel like myself again. So, why is that so bad?"

"It not bad. It's just scary."

"Scary? Why?"

"The doctor said that you needed to stay on the medicine for at least a year, that if you didn't, you had a greater risk for another seizure."

"But I feel so good and the drugs make me feel so god awful. I mean, it's not just the Primidone, it's the other stuff I have to take just so I can tolerate it."

"You mean the Phenergan suppositories?"

"God, I hate those things, man. They stop the nausea, but they're like way gross and they burn. I'm not even going to talk about the itching and cramping. Every time I have to use one, it's like another whack in the ass telling me I'm not right anymore, that I'm damaged. And that's not even the worst of it."

"What's the worst?"

"The whole package of drugs makes me so fucked up, I can't think straight, can't concentrate or sometimes even comprehend. By the time it all kicks in, I have about as much energy as a Mrs. Rayburn's pet poodle Ralph."

"Ralph's dead, Chief."

"My point exactly."

"Okay, I hear what you're saying. I'm not sure I wouldn't feel the same way in your position."

"So, it's okay with you?"

"I didn't say that. I'm not upset that you want to quit. I understand that. I really do. But I am pissed off that you made the decision without any consideration to my feelings about it, especially since you knew what I went through when you had the seizures at the hospital."

"But, Jim..."

"Wait. Let me finish. I told you how I felt when your heart stopped, how I wanted to die with you when I thought you'd left me. I don't know if I could handle it again, Chief. I love you and I can't stand the thought of losing you."

"You're not going to lose me, Jim."

"You don't know that, Blair. I mean, I know there aren't any guarantees. I'm fully aware that statistically, I'm more likely to leave this world sooner than you will. I'm a cop and I'm an old man compared to you. Knowing that doesn't make it one bit easier to cope with the fear I have of losing you to this thing."

"But I feel fine now."

"I know you do, and even if I accept the fact that it's your choice alone about what to do, I'm still having trouble with the way you did it. Jesus, Chief, you did it and tried to hide it from me. What happened to trust?"

Swallowing hard, Blair looked away, unable to bear the hurt etched in the lines of his Sentinel's tight face. His voice thickened as he spoke. "I'm sorry, Jim. I know I've like really screwed up big time here. I just wanted it to all go away."

Jim walked over and kneeled in front of his lover and took his hand. Tilting his guide's head gently, he looked into his soulful blue eyes. "Listen to me, Chief. If we can't trust each other, what are we going to do? I love you like my own breath, but I've got to know you'll be honest. No obfuscation accepted."

"Old habits, Jim. But you have to believe me when I tell you I never ever did this to hurt you. I just didn't think it through."

Jim shifted himself to sit next to his young man. He pulled him into a loving embrace, cradling the dark head against his chest. He wrapped him up tight as he rested a chin on top of brown curls. Nestled there together, contentment warmed both men.

"I have a confession to make, Chief."

"What is it, Jim? It'd better not be about you and Simon, because I swear to god, I'll scratch his eyes out." Blair's babble tickled as it vibrated against a seriously buff chest.

"Nope, no competition there. Sorry, Chief, you're stuck with me."

Nuzzling in, Blair scooted up very close as he encircled his Sentinel's narrow waist. "Oh, but it's a very cozy feeling. I could grow very used to being stuck."

"No, my confession is that I feel really tempted to be totally selfish."

"About what?"

"Seeing you feel so great without the drugs makes me want to just give in and not even try to persuade you to follow the doctor's advice. After all, if you got sick, then it'd be you that ignored the risk."

"That's not such a bad thing, Jim. It's only human to want everything to be okay. I know how you hate to be so human and all, but you don't run the world. Might be easier on you if you did, but I can't imagine the whole country using color-coded Tupperware."

"You're never going to let me live that down, are you?"

"Nope."

"Even though I gave it all up?"

"Nope."

"And you tell me I hold a grudge." He laughed lightly and then became serious again. "I mean, I know ultimately it has to be your decision, Chief, but it's just really hard not to have a voice in the choice."

"The control thing again, right?"

"No doubt. Anyway. It just scares me."

"Me, too, Jim. But the doctor said I could have a seizure with or without the drug."

"True, but without it, the risk was higher and the attack could be more damaging."

"Damn. You really want me to keep taking it, don't you?"

"I'll support whatever you decide, as long as you tell me about it."

"But, you'd rather I take it."

Hugging Blair tightly, a slight shudder betrayed his fear. "Yeah, I guess I do."

After a few moments of calm silence, Blair squirmed around and crawled into the Big Guy's lap. Rubbing his hand across the stubble of square jaw, he ran a finger across moist lips. "Okay, but tell me what I get first?"

Feeling himself harden at the contact, Jim's brain slowed, but not before he managed, "You want a bribe?"

"You bet." Pushing Jim down on his back, Blair slipped his knees between strong thighs. "Now, tell me what you've got."

A deep groan rushed out as the young man cupped the growing bulge against his leg. "Oh, lookie here, Jim. You've got something I want after all."

As he frantically fumbled with the zipper, Jim grabbed both hands forcing him to stop. "Wait, Chief. Deal first."

"Oh, man, you are like so tough. Okay, what?"

"We do this right now, and then you go take your medicine."

"Well, I guess if I'm going to have to take the shit, I might as well get the best deal to do it. Okay. Here it is. You, Jim Ellison, any time, any place, my call. In exchange I'll take the drugs."

He pulled Blair forward so they lay chest to chest, hard cock to hard cock. Jim slowly rocked up and started a steady rhythm. He saw deep blue eyes dilate to dark teal smoke. "You drive a hard bargain, Sandburg. I hope I'm up to it. I mean, aren't you supposed to take like three pills a day or something."

A low moan answered. "Yeah, but you're my spoon full of sugar, babe." His eyes suddenly squeezing shut, he complained, "Let go of my hands, Jim. I need to start collecting on this deal thing before I lose the edge, you know."

"Go for it, greedy boy."

Deep growling rippled hot air across Jim's chest. "Hungry boy."

The sentinel let his head fall back against the couch. Free to roam, busy hands brought his cock to open spaces, but not for long. Wet heat engulfed him. Surging steam tightened his balls to geyser rim-rock. Blair's tongue tip touched and teased his length. He bucked suddenly with the gentle, but surprising nip of teeth on his crown. Firm hands held down his hips, while the sucking, suctioning mouth continued pumping all around. Every muscle suddenly clenched and coiled as an explosion of flashing light blasted behind his eyelids. Moments later a rush of salty musk slicked across his lips, as Blair leaned in for a satisfied kiss.

"Jesus, lover, you're going to kill your old man doing stuff like that."

Lying across the still shirted chest, looking so much like one big happy cat, Blair practically purred. Licking his lips, he smiled. "But did you like it?"

"If I liked it any better, I'd have to give up breathing." Reaching down between them, he felt for Blair's cock. Moist with his own satisfaction, Jim smiled.

"Yeah, Big Guy, I'm easy. Just drinking you in like that gets me off. I'm like so incredibly oral."

"And I'm anal, so what does that mean?"

Lifting up, right before diving into another deep kiss, he whispered, "I guess that means we've got even more ground to cover." Then teasingly he said, "After all, Big Guy, if I'm going to have to medicate, then you're the one who's going to pay for it."

Just before lips melted together, Jim mumbled with a smile and a challenge, "You want some of this. Bring it on, man."

And Blair certainly did.

The End.