Title: Echo 2: Pebbles
Author: Grey
Fandom: SG1
Pairing: Jack/Daniel
Rating: PG-13
Status: New, Complete
Date: January 2000
Archive: Yes
Email: Grey853@aol.com
Series/Sequel: The Echo
Series Website: http://grey.ravenshadow.net

Disclaimer: Not mine, but maybe one day.

Summary: The second in the Echo series, Daniel tries to make sense of his life after Hathor.

Notes: Has spoilers for "Hathor".

Warning: Deals with the subject of rape.

Echo 2: Pebbles
by Grey
Grey853@aol.com

Jack scanned the poorly stocked kitchen shelves and closed the cabinet door. Daniel might speak a billion languages but he didn't shop worth shit. "Well, guess that means a grocery run. Damn it."

The knock at the front door startled him and he hurried to answer before it woke his friend. "Morning, Teal'c."

"Colonel O'Neill. I am here to speak of DanielJackson."

"Of course, you are. Come in." The Jaffa entered, his massive presence always surprising in regular settings away from the base. Jack shut and locked the door before he spoke quietly. "So, does the general know you're loose and on your own?"

"I told the general I needed to see DanielJackson. He did not attempt to stop me."

"Good. So, have a seat."

"I will remain standing. Is DanielJackson here?"

"He's asleep, so don't wake him. He had a rough night."

"In what way?"

"He was sick to his stomach. Cramps and nightmares." Avoiding the intense stare, Jack motioned him to follow to the kitchen. "I'm going to make coffee. There's not much else here. I need to go out later and restock this place. The kid needs a keeper."

"A keeper? I do not understand?"

"He doesn't take care of himself, a keeper."

"I see. And you wish to be this keeper?"

Jack flushed and shook his head. "That's not my job, Teal'c. I'm his friend." His teammate tilted his head and watched him, his stoic expression giving away nothing about his thoughts. "So, tell me, what did you tell Dr. Frasier about what happened to Daniel?"

"It is a well known thing among my people. Being a Chosen One is a great honor, but the Queens are voracious and demanding. I have been in attendance after the joinings many times. DanielJackson is strong, but it is a hard thing for many men to endure the first time."

"The first time?"

"If the Chosen One survives the first joining, he is bonded to the Queen until he can no longer offer the code of life at her bidding. Some survive several of your years, but those are very few. The damage is ongoing."

"Shit." He wiped his face with both hands, driving away the brutal images of Daniel mating with that thing who called herself a goddess. He shook his head to clear it and to keep his voice even. "So this joining deal was pretty painful, huh?"

"In some ways, yes. In other ways, I have been told it is the most pleasurable of experiences."

"Pleasurable? Having someone hurt and rape you is pleasurable? Give me a break. I can't believe you'd even say that."

Teal'c shook his head, his face still passive. "You do not understand. Part of the joining causes intense pleasure. It forces the Chosen One to give more of himself than he would normally, but it is also the part which causes much confusion."

"I'll bet."

"He is most happy when under the Queen's influence, but when he is not, he must be guarded."

"Guarded?"

"So he will not harm himself."

Alarmed, Jack stood straighter. "What do you mean harm himself?"

"It is not unheard of for a Chosen One to end his life if given the opportunity. I know of at least one Jaffa who died because he failed to prevent such a thing."

"So you're saying we need to keep an eye on Daniel?"

"It would be wise to do so, yes."

"Consider me brilliant then."

"I do not understand."

Jack shook his head as he stared at the closed bedroom door. "I'm saying I don't plan to leave him anytime soon."

"That may not be easy."

"Why not?"

"From my observations, DanielJackson is one who often suffers greatly, but finds it difficult to share this."

"You think?" He waved a dismissive hand before Teal'c could answer. "Look, I already know that. It's not going to be easy. He's already pushing me away, but that doesn't matter."

"You have a plan?"

"I've got something better than that. I've got a personal interest and I'm more stubborn than he is." Teal'c remained quiet, but frowned even more deeply. "What?"

"It has been my experience that the two of you are evenly matched in that area."

"Well, when it comes to stubborn, you just haven't seen me pull out all the stops yet."

"This should be an interesting demonstration."

Jack laughed weakly before he reached for the coffee mugs. "Yeah, interesting, that's one word for it. Just don't tell Daniel."

"May I ask why?"

"Because he's had more practice lately and I'm depending on the element of surprise." As he poured the coffee, he prayed his strategy paid off. If not, he might be forced to play dirty, and he wasn't sure if he was ready for that any more than Daniel.

Rolling over, Daniel gripped his stomach and groaned. The pain still caught him off guard, the snatches at his insides unnatural. Unnatural. Yeah, that explained it.

He took a deep breath and noted the empty space beside him. Jack got up early, no surprise there, but he hoped to catch him sleeping, to see that handsome face unguarded even for an instant. Lingering images of his friend's gentle touches from the night before comforted him, the unexpected tenderness a welcome gift. Sleeping with Jack had been different from his fantasy of wild lovemaking. Instead, having him in his bed offered a temporary safe haven and didn't humiliate him at daybreak.

Coughing, he sat up slowly, the dizziness passing only after he steadied himself at the edge of the bed. "God." He doubled over and stayed there until the spasms passed. Clearing his throat, he tightened the robe's sash and put on his glasses. Standing, he walked barefoot out to the living room to find Teal'c waiting.

"What's going on? Where's Jack?"

"Colonel O'Neill went on a mission to restock your food supplies."

"Oh, well, in that case, I won't ask if you've eaten. I'm not very good about those kinds of things."

"He says you need a keeper. Is this true?"

"A keeper?" Daniel stepped further into the room and sagged down to the sofa. He managed a weak smile and rested his head back. "Yeah, maybe. I tend to get lost in my work, so I don't really think about it much. Sha're always took care of things like that on Abydos. Here, well, I don't really care. I eat out a lot."

"One should not neglect such matters."

"Probably not."

A long silence let Daniel drift just below the surface of thinking before Teal'c's voice interrupted him. "Are you well?"

"Considering what happened, I'm well enough."

"You are blaming yourself. There is no reason for such guilt."

"I'm going to tell you what I told Jack, I don't want to talk about it."

"You must try."

Snorting, Daniel shook his head and stood up. "I don't have to do anything right now." Walking over to the coffee pot, he poured himself a drink and gingerly lowered himself to a chair at the table. "What happened, happened. Nothing I say will change it."

"What you say is true. You must accept what has happened. Still I have found that with your people talking about things which disturb them makes it easier to make that acceptance happen."

"My people? Yeah, well, sometimes I wonder who my people are."

"I do not understand."

"I don't fit, Teal'c. I never have."

"You are wrong, DanielJackson. You belong with all of us and are crucial to the fight against the goa'uld."

Grimly, he shook his head as he rubbed his jaw, his body stiff and complaining. "I almost ended our battle in defeat." The involuntary shudder spilled his coffee and he put the cup down. "I'm sorry. I don't mean to sound so pathetic."

Teal'c picked up a cloth and cleaned up the liquid before speaking. "You have experienced a difficult thing. Many have not survived it."

"I can understand that."

"But you must continue to survive."

Wrapping his arms around himself, Daniel worked to keep his breathing even. "What do you mean?"

"Despair is an enemy as powerful as the goa'uld."

"Yes, I know." He couldn't meet those eyes, those rarely blinking eyes that saw so much more than the surface.

"One does not have to battle such an adversary alone."

"Thank you, Teal'c. I understand what you're saying, but..."

"But you do not believe it."

"I just have to do this on my own."

"You are wrong."

Shrugging, Daniel stared out the far window, the bright light of the new day mocking him. "Wouldn't be the first time."

"You planning a hunger strike or just making a point about my cooking?" Jack wiped his mouth with the napkin and sat back, his eyes never leaving his watch over Daniel.

"What?"

"You haven't touched your meal."

"Um, yes, well, I'm not hungry."

"Come on, there's chocolate pudding."

"Pudding or not, I don't want it."

"At least drink the broth." Jack picked up the bowl and sniffed, pretending to drink as he smiled. "Yum, and pretty damn good, too. Try it."

"Jesus, Jack, will you just stop?" Daniel stood up, his body tight, his pain dismissed for the moment.

Frowning, Jack leaned back, stubborn and determined to win the round. "I will when you act like you're not going to do a nose dive into the carpet from low blood sugar. You haven't eaten since yesterday."

Quick anger faded and Daniel sighed before walking to stand by the window. "On Abydos they believe that when someone is disturbed, he should fast. It purifies the body and brings the gods closer."

"The gods have been close enough already, thank you. And this is not Abydos."

Flushed with embarrassment, Daniel closed his eyes and lowered his face to his right hand. "Please, Jack. I don't want to think about that."

"Shit. I'm sorry. I didn't mean that the way it sounded."

"I know."

"Daniel, hell, I'm just worried, that's all. Starving yourself is not going to help you get better."

"What if I said I don't deserve to get better?"

"I'd say you're hurting worse than I thought."

The room stayed quiet before Daniel finally spoke. "I wanted to thank you for last night."

"For what?"

"For that ruse you pulled about being too freaked out to sleep alone."

"I hate to break it to you, but that was no ruse." Jack stepped closer, his hands to his sides. "I know it sounds crazy, but it's the truth."

"You're right. It sounds crazy, but thanks anyway." Daniel wrapped his arms around himself, holding it all together, trying to steady the slightest of shivers. "I'm at a loss here. I don't know what you want me to do."

"I want you to stop beating yourself up and let people help you." His voice softened to a low hush. "You've got friends, Daniel. I want to help and so do the others."

"There's nothing to do." He closed his eyes, resting the side of his head against the wall. "I feel like I did that day they took Sha're."

"And how was that?"

"Shocked and terrified at first, and then numb, like nothing would ever be the same."

"But it got better, right?"

"Did it?"

"Sure it did. You joined SG1. We've done a lot of things to try to find her."

"But we haven't saved her. She's still with Apophis, still serving the goa'uld just like Skarra."

"You can't give up."

"I don't want to."

"But?"

"I don't know how I can go back now."

Daniel opened his eyes to a pained expression as Jack touched his shoulder. "You can't not go back. It's your home now."

"I've never really had a home since my parents died, not until Abydos."

"You're breaking my heart here." His voice cracked, the words too brittle for the weight of the meaning.

"Why?"

Jack swallowed hard as he lightly caressed his face. "Because I like to think you've got a home with me, too."

The heat surged up through his skin as he took the back of Jack's hand and held it closer to his face. "This is a mistake, Jack."

"Why?"

"In case you haven't noticed, I'm a little confused now."

"I noticed, and don't take this the wrong way, but you've always been a little off."

The slight tease brought a smile and he rubbed his cheek into Jack's palm. "I didn't think you noticed."

"Oh, I noticed. Believe me."

A brief second passed before he pulled away, his eyes down, his mind fogged all over again. "I can't do this."

"Daniel?..."

"No, please, don't say anything. Just forget about it."

"I'm not good at forgetting."

Meeting his eyes, Daniel blinked back the sting. "And that's the problem. I can't forget, either. It's all too real right now, Jack. You don't understand. You've got no idea what she did, the completeness of it."

"It doesn't matter."

"Of course it does. I almost destroyed you yesterday. You were in the water ready to be a host. Without the others, you wouldn't be here."

"A lot of things happened yesterday, Daniel. Tell me you wanted it and I'll leave. Tell me you would've chosen to be used like that and I'll let it go."

Turning away, Daniel walked to the far edge of the room, his body braced as he slid down the wall to huddle alone. He shook as the words trembled the air. "I swear I didn't want it."

"I know that." Easing closer, Jack kneeled beside him. "Look, you're tired. Let's get you to bed. Frasier said you needed to rest."

"Okay." Daniel allowed Jack's strong arms to help lift him enough to stand before he whispered, "I'm so sorry." And in his mind he listed his transgressions, each a pebble to fill his friend's palm before they all fell away, too many to hold and forgive even for a man who loved him.

The end