Title: Good Fortune 3
Author: Grey
Fandom: The Sentinel
Pairing: B/S
Rating: NC-17
Status: New/Complete
Archive: Yes
Email: Grey853@aol.com
Series/Sequel: The Third in the Good Fortune series.
Date: June 2000
Website: http://grey.ravenshadow.net/

Disclaimer: Not mine.

Summary: Jim doesn't react well to Blair's relationship with Simon.

Notes: Thanks to XFreak for all her support.

Warnings: Very strong language.

Good Fortune 3
by Grey
Grey853@aol.com

Jim stood stock still, his hands fisted beside him, his mind racing so fast that heat trails blurred the air. Panic gibbered in his head, the visions wild and too vivid to ignore.

Simon and Blair fucking.

Fucking sons of bitches.

His friends fucking.

He didn't want to see that, to see the dark body overlay the pale, to hear the low moans, to smell the musky scent of completion mixed with sweat.

Jesus. No way he could stand that.

"Jim?"

"Go away, Sandburg."

"I can't, man. You're scaring me here. You were zoned."

"I wasn't zoned."

"You could've fooled me."

"You'd know about that."

"Come on, Jim. Talk to me. This is important."

"No shit." Taking a deep breath, his body steeled with tension, he turned and faced his partner, the man who'd fucked up his world by fucking his only other friend. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"We didn't plan this, Jim. Last night was the first time."

"You expect me to believe that?"

"Why would I lie?" Jim focused on Blair, his face pale, the eyes deep blue, but pleading and shadowed with hurt. "It just sort of happened."

"Just sort of happened? How does something like that just sort of happen? That's bullshit." Anger boiled up through his words, the bitterness breaching the surface. "Don't make it worse by lying."

"I'm not lying, Jim. When I left here last night, I had no idea this would happen. I'm not saying I didn't want it to, but I didn't plan it and neither did Simon."

Clenching his jaw, Jim moved away, putting distance between himself and the man who betrayed him. "Where is Simon?"

"He's at home."

"Why isn't he here? Afraid to face me? Afraid to stand there and lie to my face, too?"

"I told him to stay away so you two wouldn't end up beating the shit out of each other."

"You think you're worth fighting over?"

"Jesus, Jim." Blair turned away, his face suddenly flushed, his voice choked. "Don't do this, man."

"Don't do what? Tell the truth? I should've seen this coming as soon as you told me about Williams."

Confused, Blair faced him again, his voice still stressed. "What's Roy got to do with this?"

"Sweet Roy Williams, Simon Banks. See a pattern here, Chief?"

"God, you're such a dick. You're walking a thin line, Jim."

"I just don't want you to fool yourself. You think I didn't notice you getting all cozy with Simon the last few months? I didn't realize just how cozy. You should've fucking told me."

Blair's eyes narrowed as he pushed back an escaped strand of hair. "You're dreaming, man. Simon and I were just good friends until last night."

"And now?"

"You know about now. You don't need the details."

"You're right. I don't. I can imagine."

Stepping closer, Blair's voice took a harder edge. "And that's what this is about, right? You imagining what it's like? Feeling left out?"

"Left out?"

"Yeah. You think we're leaving you out of our lives? We're not, Jim. We both still love you."

The words swarmed in his head and down to his tongue, the venom swelling the air. "You both love me? Give me a break. You toss that word around like it was so fucking easy and it's not. If you loved me, you'd never do this."

"Do what? What is it exactly that you think we're doing?"

For the first time in the conversation, Jim halted, the words gone, the fear bloated and hissing between them. Without speaking, he turned and grabbed his coat. His hand on the knob, Blair stepped between him and freedom. "No way, man. You can't leave. Answer the question."

"Get out of the way."

"Not until you tell me what you think we've done to you."

"I said get out of the way, Sandburg."

"No. You want out, you'll have to go through me. You're not walking away from this."

Frustrated, coat still in hand, Jim whirled back toward the window. He tossed the jacket down on the chair and wrapped his arms around his chest. Eyes closed, he took several long breaths before he managed to finally speak. "You've got no idea what you've done here."

"So tell me."

Jim opened his eyes, but saw the past, not the present. "I'm not an easy man to be with."

"No kidding."

Ignoring the words, Jim continued speaking, his voice no longer tough, but quiet instead. "I've had people I work with, people to do the job with, but very few I'd call real friends, people I could trust. Trust is a really big thing with me. You know that." Moving to sit on the sofa, Blair leaned forward, his hands fisted together while he listened. "Anyway, after Peru I had a bad period in Vice and came to Major Crimes the hard way. I got paired up with Jack and you know how badly that turned out. During that whole time and then later, before and after you came along, Simon was there. He wasn't just my captain, but my friend. Or so I thought. A friend doesn't keep secrets like this."

"Secrets like what?"

"You know what I'm saying, Chief."

"No, I don't, Jim. What secret?"

"He's gay. How could I not know that?"

Blair sat back, his face not quite as tense as before. "Probably because I don't think he had a clue himself until last night. Or if he did, he didn't let anybody in on it."

Jim turned, the hurt still like a binding pressure all along his nerves. "Come on. This isn't something that just pops up out of nowhere. He had to be attracted to you or this wouldn't have happened. I've been standing there all along and missed the whole thing. I saw you, but I didn't see him. I never in a million years thought he'd go for it."

"What do you mean, you saw me?"

"I mean, you've got a sexual come on that never stops."

"I do not."

"Fucking believe it. You do. The point is, I never thought Simon would do anything with another guy because he's always been straight."

Blair leaned forward again, his hands free and moving. "So what's your point here? Are you upset because you think I seduced Simon into being gay or because he slept with me instead of you?"

"Fuck you. That's not what I'm saying."

"Then what are you saying?"

Jim looked down and then rubbed his face with both hands before he shook his head. "He didn't trust me enough to tell me what was going on." Looking up, he met concerned eyes, his voice caught with a hurt almost too thick to push through. "And neither did you. You shut me out. Let me think everything was fine between us."

"Everything was fine between us, Jim. And it still can be if you want it to be."

"You're kidding yourself, Chief."

"How? How am I kidding myself?"

Turning away again, Jim braced himself forward against the solid brick wall with his arms extended, the rough edges cutting into his palms, each fine piece of grit like the flick of a traitorous blade. "You're with Simon. That changes everything."

"But why? I've dated other people. Slept with other people. How does sleeping with Simon change what's between us?"

Suddenly tired, Jim turned and sagged down in the chair across from the sofa. He leaned back and used one hand to massage his throbbing temples. "You're not stupid, Blair. You know what it means. Simon isn't one of your dates. You don't just fuck him and walk away."

"Oh, that's great, Jim. What? You think I'd do that?"

Frowning, Jim sighed and sat up straighter, his arms stretched out over the armrests, gripping them to center himself. "Since I've known you, how many times have you done that?"

"Not as many times as you have."

"This isn't about me."

"Yes, it is, Jim. It's always about you." Blair's voice softened, the anger no longer pushing the words. "Admit it. You're afraid of losing us. You think we'll have each other and won't need you anymore."

"You already don't need me. You chose Simon over me."

"It isn't a contest, man. I might sleep with Simon, might even love him, but you're my best friend. That doesn't change unless you want it to."

"Might even love him?"

"Yeah. Maybe. I'm not sure, but I think so." Blair swallowed hard and sat back, his arms crossed around his middle. "It all happened so fast, man. So fucking fast."

Eyes stinging, Jim clenched his jaw even harder as he studied his friend, Blair's face strained and serious. "What does Simon say?"

"He says he loves me."

"He said that?"

"Yeah, man. Is that so hard to believe?"

Jim paused, Blair's defensive tone catching him off guard. The world settled to an unexpected calm as he realized his answer. "No, Chief. It's not so hard to believe." Hesitating, he stood up and walked to the kitchen. He opened the refrigerator. "Want a beer?"

"Yeah, thanks."

After fetching the drinks, he handed one to Blair and then took several long swallows before settling back in the chair. "So, what do we do now? Are you moving out?"

"I hadn't planned to. Hell, I've hardly had time to even let it all soak in."

"Tell me about it."

Suddenly more anxious, Blair edged forward. "Listen, Jim. I really don't want to move out. This is my home, but if my being with Simon bothers you that much, I'll try to find some place else."

"You wouldn't move in with Simon?"

"No. I couldn't do that."

"Why not? Knowing Simon, I'd think he'd want you to move in."

"Think about it. What would he do about Daryl?"

Jim rubbed his mouth as he imagined the emotional chaos if Daryl or Simon's ex-wife found out about his friends and their new relationship. "I don't even want to think about it, Chief."

"And we have to be careful. Simon could lose his job and if that happened, they would take me away from you, too."

Sighing, Jim shook his head and met troubled eyes one more time. "Why do you think I'm so upset, Blair? I'm not just feeling left out here, though I'll confess that's part of it. I'm not a total prick. I've been around long enough to know how the cop world works. You and Simon are walking a very dangerous path. This thing could fuck us all over and I don't even get a choice."

"I'm sorry, Jim. I never thought about it like that."

"No, but I expected Simon to think about it. This isn't like him, and I'm not just talking about the sex, either. Simon's one of the most practical men I know. He just doesn't do something so risky without a reason."

"Maybe loving me was reason enough."

Jim finished his beer with one long pull and then nodded as he recognized the hard truth of his friend's words. "Yeah, Chief. Maybe."

"He's on his way."

Jim nodded and continued to stare out the window until he heard his partner's stomach rumble. "You hungry?"

"Yeah, a little." Blair leaned against the support beam near the kitchen, his face more pale than before. "We didn't get a chance to eat before your call."

"Too busy getting busy?"

"Yeah, something like that."

Jim shook his head and hated himself for the jealous twinge working his gut. He wanted to be happy for his friends, but no way he could smile about this. "There's some leftover pizza or we could order out. I mean, we can figure some of this out over supper."

"We should probably wait for Simon. I'm not sure what he wants."

"I'm hungry. If Simon's already eaten, he can eat again."

Blair surrendered with a nod and a grin. "Okay. Lee's good for you?"

"Sure. Same as usual. Simon likes the Sesame Chicken extra hot."

"Yeah, I know." Blair dialed the phone and placed the order quickly and clicked off. He looked down at his clothes while Jim made coffee. "Think I'll change while we're waiting."

"Good idea." He finished filling the coffee maker and hit the on switch, his sense of smell already turned down, already safeguarded to avoid picking up Simon's scent all over his partner.

"Jim?"

"Yeah?"

"What you said about Roy before, you were over the line."

Cringing at the memory, Jim frowned as he nodded. "Yeah, Chief, I know. It was a lousy thing to say and I'm sorry. I'm not even sure where it came from. I know from what you told me, you and Roy were close for a long time."

"Almost a year. And what I had with Roy has nothing to do with Simon. They're totally different people."

Holding up one hand in a stop motion, Jim shook his head. "Look, you don't have to convince me. So what if you have a physical preference? Last time I checked, I was partial to redheads. It doesn't mean you don't look beyond that."

"I don't want you to think it's only physical with Simon, because it's not. It's a lot more than that."

"I believe you."

Blair hesitated just a moment before he asked, "You sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine. Now, go change. Simon will be here any minute."

As soon as Blair shut the door to his room, Jim slumped back against the counter, his head throbbing, his body on alert. He still had Simon to contend with, his boss bound to be on the defensive. More settled to the idea, he still hated it, despised the notion that from now on Blair had a different center, someone else to be with whenever he wanted. Coming in second place sang loser to his ear.

Ten minutes later, Blair came out dressed in jeans and an oversized wool sweater, the charcoal grey making his blue eyes even darker. Brown curls framed his face and his smile lightened the tension. "I must be getting old, man."

"Why's that?"

"I used to go for days without changing. Now, I can't go a day without feeling grubby."

"It's called good hygiene, Chief."

"Yeah, well, I feel better." He glanced at the door and up at the clock. "Guess the traffic must be holding him up."

"Maybe. Or he could've gotten a call from the station."

"But he would've called us."

"Probably." Jim reached up and got the plates before tilting his head. "He's just heading upstairs now."

His face a mix of both anxiety and excitement, Blair went to door and opened it before Simon knocked. "Hey, man."

"Do I need my service weapon?"

"Not yet." Jim came from behind the door, his eyes narrowed and serious. "We ordered Chinese. It should be here in a few minutes. In the meantime, come on in. We need to talk."

"At least this way you can't hang up."

"It was better than saying what I felt at the moment."

Nodding, Simon entered and took off his coat. As he put the heavy jacket on the hook, he took Blair's hand and squeezed. "You okay?"

"I'm fine, man. Honest. You want coffee or a beer?"

"Coffee's good. I'm a little tired."

"I'll bet." Jim's sarcastic tone hit the air before he could stop it. He took a deep breath and motioned to the sofa. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that."

"You're right, Jim, you shouldn't have." Simon let Blair go and added, "I'll stand for right now. I'm not sure how long we'll be here."

"You have to admit I've got a right to be pissed."

"I'll admit you have a right to be shocked, but not angry. You're acting like we did this on purpose, like we sat down and planned it all out just to make your life miserable. We didn't."

"That's what Sandburg said."

"It's the truth." His husky voice softened as he stepped to the window. Crossing his arms, he shook his head. "I'm not kidding myself here, Jim. I know it's dangerous, but at the time it didn't matter."

"And now?"

Turning, he met Jim's eyes, his face more serious than ever. "I still want it if Blair does."

"I want it, too, Simon." Blair stepped up to the larger man, wrapping his arms around his middle. "I'll tell you that as many times as you need me to."

Jim swallowed hard as he watched Simon hug his friend tighter, envious of the closeness. "So this is really happening?"

"Looks like it." Simon's hand fingered Blair's curls, his face less grim, his eyes sparkling. He leaned down and kissed him gently and then smiled. "I know, Jim. It seems like a dream to me, too."

Jim bit back the words more like a nightmare and turned away as he fought down his own arousal. "You're both crazy."

"Crazy works for me, man." Blair pushed away and headed for the knock at the door. "Food's here. Who's got the money?"

The older men both grabbed their wallets as Jim asked, "Three ways?"

"Is that an invitation or a suggestion?"

Face flushed, his heart racing, Jim shook his head. "You've lost your mind, that's all there is to it."

"Maybe, but I've never felt better."

"Then you pay, because I feel like shit. We'll figure it out later."

"You've got it."

As Simon paid and tipped the delivery boy, Blair set the food out on the table and got the silverware. "Jim, you want beer or coffee?"

"Beer."

Jim sat down while Blair got his drink and then handed Simon his dish. "It's hot enough to scorch granite, man. Be careful."

Simon sniffed the food and smiled. "Smells great."

"Yeah, it does." Blair scooped out the rice on his plate and then topped it with sweet and sour chicken.

Jim ate silently, the food not making an impression, the whole situation unreal. Finally Blair interrupted his thinking. "Jim? You okay?"

"I'm fine."

"You don't look fine. You look like someone just kicked you in the balls with biker boots." Simon put his fork down and leaned forward, his hands fisted under his chin. "Okay, out with it. What is it about this that bothers you so much?"

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"It just happened last night. What? You wanted me to stop and call you and let you in on it?"

"I'm not talking about that. How long have you known you were gay?"

"How long have you known?"

Jim pushed back from the table and stood up, his throat tight around the words. "Since this afternoon when I called." He walked into the living room, his body too wired to sit any longer.

"I'm not talking about me. I'm talking about you."

Blair's breath hitched. "What? What are you talking about, Simon?"

"Jim knows. How long? Since high school? College?"

"Knowing doesn't mean I have to act on it."

"Are you saying you've never acted on it?" Simon turned in his chair, his arm up over the back as he kept watching.

"You know the answer to that. Why bring it up now? You want to turn this around on me? I'm not the one sleeping with someone else's partner, someone who's fifteen years younger by the way."

Blair held up both hands, his face twisted with confusion. "Time out, guys. Someone want to let me in on the secret code here? What the fuck are you two talking about?"

Jim covered his mouth, his air too thick for breathing. After a few moments, he finally spoke, his voice raspy. "Simon knows about my time in Peru."

"So?"

"So, I had a thing with Incacha."

"What? And you never told me?"

"It was over before I met you."

"That's not the point, man. You should've told me."

"We're talking in circles here, Chief. I guess we all have things we don't want to talk about."

"And that's my point, Jim. You didn't want to talk about Peru and I didn't want to talk about things that I never thought would happen. We're friends, but even friends have boundaries." Simon paused and looked over first at Blair and then Jim, his voice husky. "I've been wanting to be with Blair for a long time now, but I kept my distance. I had no idea he was interested, too, and when I finally found out, I had to act on it. I'm sorry if you think that's a betrayal of trust, but it wasn't something I could talk about, not when I thought it was useless to even think about it."

"You could've trusted me, Simon."

"Maybe, but look how you're acting. What would you have said if I'd told you I wanted to sleep with Sandburg?"

Reluctantly, Jim shrugged. "The same thing I'm saying now probably."

"So I kept it to myself."

Quiet stretched out between them before Jim finally sighed and shook his head. "I don't have to tell you how hard it's going to be, do I?"

"I know we're going to have to be extra careful at work, but I was hoping I could at least count on you to watch our backs." Simon stood up and walked up to Jim, his body close with almost no space between them. "I don't want to lose you. I love Blair, but I love you, too."

Jim squeezed his eyes shut as his friend touched his shoulder, his body electric and charged. Words wheezed through his throat, the air too heavy to move. "But it's a different kind of love, Simon."

A palm caressed his cheek as Simon whispered, "Is it?"

Reflex kicked in and Jim pushed the larger man away, his mind in a panic. "I can't deal with this now."

As Jim headed to the door, he scanned the shocked face of his partner staring at Simon. A few seconds later, Blair met his eyes. "Jim, I had no idea."

"Talk to him, Chief. Figure out what the hell it is you want because right now I'm too fucked up to think straight."

Shutting the door behind him, Jim heard Blair's steady voice as he moved closer to Simon. "I think you'd better explain what just happened."

The end